Sandy Beaches

Anyone else notice how Maryland suddenly looks like a man bent over on his hands and knees getting ready to take a giant storm straight up his ass?

Less than four hours left before Hurricane Sandy is set to make landfall and the effects are already being felt.

Windows are howling and rattling and the lights are flickering.  Because we live in such an old city, everyone is pretty confident that the power is going out tonight.  Predictions have said that up to 60 million will lose power and it might be out for weeks.  Schools and businesses are closed today.  Grocery store shelves are empty.  Our restaurant even ran out of food because food shipments have been delayed.  Emergency services are suggesting we fill our bathtubs full of water in case the water supply becomes contaminated by the predicted flooding.  They are giving out sandbags and waterbags for free.  12 inches of rain and snowstorms of 2 feet or more are expected.  Many areas have mandatory evacuations.

In other words, all hell is breaking loose.

So what could possibly get us to go outside to brave the strong winds, falling trees and sideways-falling rain – potentially putting our lives at risk in the process?  Could it be for food? Water?  Cigarettes?

Nope.  Feminine hygiene products.  We went out in the middle of a fucking windstorm for a box of tampons.  I am convinced the female body has a tendency to base its cycle around the most inopportune moments.  Birthdays, Valentine’s Day, cross-country road trips, family get-togethers, vacations – and, apparently now, potential national disasters.  Mind you, I’m a man and this is just a theory –  but I say theory because I’ve seen enough proof to get the idea past the hypothesis phase.

  Only after we drove by a grocery store did we consider that maybe, just maybe we should pick up some canned food and jugs of water.

  Needless to say, we made it back safely and are now properly stocked.