Cyber Cafe: The 6 Most Horrifying Lies the Food Industry is Feeding You

Welcome to my first entry in an article link section I’m calling Cyber Cafe!  Todays link comes from the good people at cracked.com and is about “The 6 Most Horrifying Lies the Food Industry is Feeding You.”  Unless you’re a beaver, it’s probably not a good thing to have wood in your food.  Click here for the story.

Mmmm!!! Splintery!!!

Deconstruction

They don’t deconstruct a perfectly good building.  They demolish shitty ones, but buildings that are still structurally sound are left to age gracefully.  I will never respect a chef that “deconstructs” dishes.  This is a shortcut to thinking.  “Hmm, lemme take a cherished dish that is hundreds of years old, change the way it’s put together, and take credit for reinventing a recipe that existed centuries before I was even born!”  It is so simple, and infinitely lazy.  Case in point:  Let’s have tomatoes wrapped in bibb lettuce with a bacon foam served on top.  Serve that topped with sourdough croutons and a homemade garlic mayonnaise dipping sauce on the side.  Sound delicious?  I’ve just made a BLT.  Yes, a B-L fuckin’ T.

Why would you fuck with something so perfect?

The sad part is, this trend is catching on.  It’s mainstream even… and equally disgusting.  Maybe spend less time with the de rigueur deconstructing of a BLT and more time deconstructing one pompous asshole trying to feed us a dish we’ve eaten a million times as something fresh and innovating.  It seems current chefs need a limiter. (You know, the thing a moped has to keep it from going too fast.)  Egos are out of control and they go overboard without even realizing it.  It isn’t hard to spot, either.  Just watch any cooking show for around 10 minutes and they’ll call for some obscure ingredient that you couldn’t get without a permit.  “Now add some foie gras and an ounce of truffle oil.”  Yes, I know what both of those things are and no, neither are even remotely available within a 300 mile radius of me.  Way to be accesible, man.  I thought that was the whole point of having a cooking show:  Make yourself accesible to all of us Joe Sixpacks living out there that think we can throw together a gourmet meal by watching a 30 minute show (22 minutes after commercials) on how to properly whisk an egg.  I take anything I hear from a “celebrity chef” with a grain of salt, but this has to stop.  No matter how many different times you do it, it’s still mac and cheese and it’s still a Philly cheesesteak.  Yes, new textures are amazing.  Challenging the ways people feel about old dishes can be fulfilling, I guess.  It just isn’t for me… unless I’m desperate.  I swear, if more time was spent on creating new recipes rather than rehashing old ones, it would be an exciting time to be alive.